Cinderheart's Slumber Party
by Gingehfish
Summary: Cinderheart hosts a slumber party in RiverClan territory. When the toms crash the party, and Toadstep is abducted by an insane she-cat from Pluto, the ThunderClan cats must build a spaceship to fly to his rescue—but they're having enough troubles getting along! COMPLETE.
1. Much Muttering About RiverClan

**[A/N: this is not a fanfic that's supposed to make sense. I posted it in script form on the warriors forums, but it was extremely unpopular. I guess I'll post it on here in normal form for my first story. So, without further ado, enjoy!]**

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><p>CINDERHEART'S SLUMBER PARTY<p>

PART ONE : MUCH MUTTERING ABOUT RIVERCLAN

Cinderheart yawned. She was bored. Lionblaze was being a wimp, so she had dumped him for a while, but she knew that he would soon come crawling back to her. But what to do until then? She could get the girls to go shopping with her, as she was the most beautiful and popular she-cat in ThunderClan, but that was old. What could she do that had never been done before?

—later—

Cinderheart posted her sign on the warriors den. "There!" she said with satisfaction.

Lionblaze looked over her shoulder. "'Cinderheart's Slumber Party!'" he read slowly, squinting his eyes. "'She-Cats Only! Tonight at the Ancient Oak.'" He smiled brightly. "Yay! I'm coming!"

Cinderheart sighed. "Idiot," she muttered. To Lionblaze, she said, "No, you're not. You're a tom."

Lionblaze pouted. His face drooped and he began to whine, "But—"

Cinderheart face-pawed. "Oh, get a life, Lionblaze! Host your own slumber party!"

Instantly, the foolish tom's face brightened.

She glared at him. "Stop talking only with your face!"

"Okay, okay," the golden cat grumbled. "Keep your pants on!"

Cinderheart raised her beautiful face to the heavens and shook her head. "I haven't _got_ any pants!"

—later—

The girls—Icecloud, Hazeltail, Blossomfall, and Dovewing—and Cinderheart were gathered in a circle in the shelter of the ancient oak. Dovewing had been the last to arrive, and Icecloud had become bored.

The white she-cat asked, "Okay, Cinderheart, what do we do now?"

Cinderheart frowned. She hadn't thought of that yet. "...Ummmm..."

Hazeltail broke the awkward silence. "Let's go to RiverClan!"

Blossomfall, an idiotic as she was pretty, was confused. "What's in RiverClan?" she asked.

Hazeltail spread out her paws as if the answer was obvious. It was, of course—Hazeltail was always right (except when she was wrong). "Cheeseburgers! Fishsticks!"

Dovewing perked up at the mention of cheeseburgers, her favorite food. "Oooh, I _love_ cheeseburgers!"

Under her breath, Hazeltail muttered, "What else is new, fatty?"**[1]**

Hazeltail gave Cinderheart a sidelong glance full of mischief. "And they've also got some hot toms!"

All the assembled she-cats squealed as one and started babbling about how cute Grasstail was.

"Oh, especially Grasstail, I mean he's—"

"—yeah, like the hottest tom in the whole uni—"

"—verse! And then there's—"

"—Beetlewhisker, his brother! Man, he's like—"

"—maybe even hotter than Grasstail!"

All of a sudden, they were interrupted by Ivypool falling out of the sky. "FIIIISHSTIIIICKS!" she screamed, and race toward the WindClan border, the rest of the she-cats following her lead.

—same time, ShadowClan border—

Lionblaze and his sort-of friends were gathered at the ShadowClan border. Toadstep, Foxleap, Bumblestripe, and Mousewhisker were fidgeting uncomfortably while Thornclaw paced around Lionblaze, muttering.

Lionblaze, oblivious to the others' discomfort, smiled brightly and asked, "Everyone here?"

Toadstep answered him. "Yep! You sure this is gonna work?"

Lionblaze grinned at him. "Nope!"

"Well THAT'S reassuring," Thornclaw groaned.

Lionblaze turned his smile on the tabby tom. "I know, isn't it?"

Thornclaw face-pawed. "Why did I agree to this again?"

"...Uuuuuuhhh..."

Bumblestripe interjected. "Are we going or not?"

Foxleap got up and started pacing back and forth. "Yeah, we could have been there and back by now!"

Lionblaze shrugged. "Okay!"

Mousewhisker's whiskers twitched. "I heard they were going to RiverClan. Something about fishsticks, cheeseburgers, and hot toms."

"Let's go crash the party!" Lionblaze cried.

Mousewhisker added uneasily, "Before RiverClan does . . ."

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><p><strong>[1]<strong> Double reference points for whoever guesses where this came from!


	2. Now We're Actually in RiverClan

**[A/N: Thanks to Falconflight to reviewing! You're right, you really should know where that reference comes from. You've referenced it enough in LTW!]**

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><p>PART TWO: NOW WE'RE ACTUALLY IN RIVERCLAN<p>

When the toms reached the ancient oak, no one was there.

"Darn! They've already left!" Bumblestripe exclaimed.

Foxtail dropped down on all fours and sniffed the area. His ears perked up, and he stood. "They went that way!" he cried, pointing to WindClan.

Toadstep shook his head. "Well, of course, dummy! That's the fastest way to RiverClan!"

"Are we gonna stand here until we grow roots?" Thornclaw growled. "Let's go!"

—meanwhile, in RiverClan—

Cinderheart sashayed up to Grasspelt, pulling on her most beautiful face. "Hello, Grasspelt!" she said, blushing.

Dovewing stormed up to Grasspelt. "Where are me cheeseburgers?" she growled.

Grasspelt backed up a bit. "Uhh, here you go, Dovewing," he mumbled, handing her a cheeseburger, obviously confused.

Dovewing greedily munched on her cheeseburger. "Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom . . . I WUVZ YOU, CHEESEBURGERS!"

Ivypool screamed "FISHSTICKS!" and raided a fishstick shop. The owner of the shop glared at her. "Hey!" He ran after her, swearing loudly in front of the giggling kits.

Hazeltail walked up to Grasspelt and glared at Cinderheart. "Move out, Cinderheart! Grasspelt is MINE!"

Blossomfall sighed and shook her head. "You're fighting over a tom from another Clan."

Cinderheart and Hazeltail exchanged a glance. "Yeah."

Icecloud joined Blossomfall. "Isn't that, like, against the warrior code?"

"Oh yeah . . ."

Grasspelt backed away. He raced over to Mistystar and screamed, "RiverClan! Intruders!"

The fishstick shop owner chased Ivypool around the RiverClan camp. "Thief! Come back!"

Ivypool hugged the fishsticks close to her chest. "My fishsticks!"

The owner glared at her. "Mine!"

Ivypool glared at him back. "Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

Cinderheart growled. "Stop the 'mine!' war! It's driving me crazy!"

The shop owner and Ivypool both glared at her and said in unison, "What's wrong with that?"

The looked at each other and burst out laughing.

All of a sudden, Lionblaze and some other toms burst into the scene. "What did we miss?" their leader panted.

Cinderheart goggled at her ex. "Lionblaze? What are you—"

"RiverClan, ATTACK!"

The whole of RiverClan surged forward, snarling. The ThunderClan cats screamed and ran away to where they belong (The Dumpster).

When they were safe, Ivypool kissed her fishsticks. "Yayz! I got me fishsticks!"

Suddenly, the fishstick shop owner appeared in their midst. He cackled and grinned evilly. "Got you at last!"

Ivypool slapped him with a fishstick. The shop owner scowled, angry. The she-cat just sighed and kicked him to the moon.

Lionblaze, never fit to begin with, passed out from exhaustion.

Cinderheart leaped on top of him and started preforming CPR. "Aaaah! Lionblaze! Wake up!"

Lionblaze mysteriously regained consciousness, gazing at Cinderheart with love in his eyes. "You care?"

Just then, Cinderheart remembered why she had started dating Lionblaze in the first place: he was hot, cute, rich, stupid enough to pay for anything she wanted, and _so_ romantic. Sometimes. She smiled at him and said, "Yes! I wuvz—"

In a poof of smoke, a random black-and-silver she-cat appeared out of nowhere. For a moment, the cats simply gawped at her until Icecloud voiced the question they were all wondering: "Who's THAT?"

Hazeltail, smart as always, replied, "That is an unacknowledged she-cat that was only mentioned once in SkyClan's Destiny but her name fails me at the important moment!"

Bumblestripe frowned. "What's 'SkyClan's Destiny'?"

Hazeltail shrugged. "I don't know!"

"How can you know if you don't know?" Cinderheart asked.

"..."

The random, unacknowledged, black-and-silver she-cat who was only mentioned once in SkyClan's Destiny but whose name fails Hazeltail at the important moment shouted, "I am ONION!"

"Huh?" Foxleap said, confused.

"Mwahahahahahahaha!" the mad she-cat screeched. The ThunderClanners were even more confused than they were already.

Suddenly, Onion's gaze fell upon Toadstep. Her eyes brightened crazily and she flung herself at him. "TICKLE WHISKERS!"

Toadstep struggled and flailed his limbs, but the she-cat's grip was maniacal. "AAARGH!"

Onion smiled reassuringly at him, chattering loudly, "I will not abduct you to Pluto! Don't worry! We're not going to have to wear spacesuits and take a Spaceship to get to Pluto!"

Cinderheart rolled her eyes. This she-cat was really stupid—of _course_ she was going to Pluto if she denied it!

A spaceship appeared out of nowhere as Onion whipped out two spacesuits and shoved them on Toadstep and herself. She and the struggling Toadstep boarded and it blasted off, leaving a charred circle of trees where it had been.

Icecloud ran toward the circle and started crying. "NUUU! I loveded you, Toady, I loveded you!"

_To be continued . . ._


	3. Feathertail Joins the Party

PART THREE: FEATHERTAIL JOINS THE PARTY

"Waaaaah!" Icecloud cried, calling for her lost love. "Waaaaaaah!"

Lionblaze joined in with "Waaaaaah!"s of his own. The two crying cats caused a ruckus that Cinderheart didn't appreciate.

She grabbed one of Ivypool's fishsticks and thwacked Lionblaze on his head. "Idiot!" she snarled. _"You_ don't have to cry."

"Oh."

Bumblestripe's ears pricked up. "Someone's coming!"

Rosepetal wandered into the clearing. She grinned at Ivypool and rolled her eyes at Cinderheart and her "girls". "What's up?"

Lionblaze gave her a goofy smile. "The sky!"

Cinderheart slapped the ginger fool with a fishstick. "No, you idiot, she meant 'what's going on'?" She cried, exhasperated.

Foxleap said, "Toadstep's been abducted to Pluto by a crazy she-cat named Onion."

Rosepeatal bristled. _I might be a tomboy, and my brother might be a lovesick idiot, but no one messes with him except me! _"No! Me brother! We must save him!"

In a sparkling flash, a starry figure with a shimmering silver pelt appeared in front of the cats. "I am Feathertail," she murmured. "And I have a task for you . . ."


	4. The FishCheesestickburger

**[A/N: Thanks, Lashingpaw, for adding this to your favorites and reviewing!]**

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><p>PART FOUR: THE <em>FISHCHEESESTICKBURGER<em>

"You must save Toadstep!" Feathertail cried.

Thornclaw frowned. "Meaning no disrespect, magic StarClan-lady, but why?"

Feathertail rolled her eyes. "Well—A, he's your Clanmate; B, he needs to be saved from that crazy she-cat; and C, if you don't, fishsticks and cheeseburgers will disappear—" she paused for dramatic effect "—FOREVER!"

The cats gasped in unison. Feathertail nodded solemnly.

Dovewing and Ivypool immediately went into a crazy panic, screaming stuff like, "AAAAAAAH!" and "NUUUUU!" and "SAAAAAaaaaAAAaaAAVE THE TooOOOoOOOMM!"

The rest of the cats shifted uncomfortably. All of them but Rosepetal, Lionblaze, and Icecloud thought Toadstep was annoying and that they were better off without them. But the threat of Ivypool and Dovewing at their craziest, Lionblaze crying for days (Toadstep was his best friend) and then trying to become _their_ friend, Icecloud's depression, and Rosepetal's sensible wrath was enough to deter them from ignoring Feathertail's warning. They _did_ care about their _own_ skins.

Feathertail, meanwhile, was internally shaking her head. _These cats are so gullible . . . _She disappeared in a magical flash, but none of the cats noticed.

Dovewing and Ivypool disappeared for a second, then reappeared wearing spacesuits and carrying materials for building a spaceship. Suddenly, by Feathertail's magical awesomeness, the rest of the cats were wearing spacesuits. They set about building a spaceship, and within about ten minutes, they were standing front of an epical rocket with two kitchens and a bathroom.

When Ivypool gave them the grand tour, Bumblestripe asked, "What's it called?"

"The _Fishstick!"_ Ivypool replied proudly, at the same time Dovewing said, "The _Cheeseburger!"_

The two sisters glared at each other. Hazeltail interrupted the tense silence. "What about the_ Fishburger?"_

"Naah," Dovewing said, shooting the possibility down.

Thornclaw sighed. "Does it really matter?"

"YUS." Ivypool glared at him. Thornclaw shrank back and mumbled something like, "I was just saying . . . stupid she-cats . . ."

"The _Cheesestick?"_ Mousewhisker suggested tentatively.

Ivypool snorted. "Not if I have anything to do with it!"

Cinderheart growled. This was taking _way_ too long. "Let's just call it the _FishCheesestickburger_ and get it over with!"

The sisters brightened. "Yes!"

So the ThunderClan cats boarded the _FishCheesestickburger_, unaware of the danger that awaited them . . .


	5. The Annoyingness of Ivypool

**[A/N: LoL, I'm glad you think so! Jayfeather, thanks for pointing that out. I'll try harder on my grammar and maybe pay more attention to my teacher. XD Pony, thanks! Every review means a lot! And . . . here comes more!]**

PART FIVE: THE ANNOYINGNESS OF IVYPOOL

Ivypool and Dovewing took the front seats in the spaceship. "Everyone here?" the former asked.

"Everyone here!" Rosepetal answered.

The cats buckled up and prepared for a long, monotone, speech. Ivypool was good at those when she wanted to be.

The tabby she-cat took a deep breath. "This is Captain Fishstick, captain of this amazing spaceship, the _FishCheesestickburger!"_

"And I'm Lieutenant Cheeseburger!" her sister added cheerfully.

"I'd like to thank you all for coming here today. This means a lot to me and—"

"Oh, just _leave_ already!" Cinderheart interrupted. The other cats sighed in relief, particularly Foxleap, who was dating Ivypool and loved her for all but her speeches and didn't want to hear another one. "We've got a cat to rescue!"

Ivypool stopped talking. She eyed Cinderheart quizzically. The cats held their breath. Most times, you couldn't get away with disobeying Cinderheart.

Eventually Ivypool broke the tense silence. ". . . Please? Don't I get a please?"

Cinderheart growled. "PLEASE!"

Ivypool shook her head woefully. "Cinderheart, I taught you better. Please _what?"_

Cinderheart narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Please IVYPOOL!"

Dovewing frowned. "What about meeee?" she whined.

The gray she-cat ground her teeth. _"Please_ Ivypool and Dovewing!"

Ivypool smiled, a maniac light in her eyes. Her paw hovered tauntingly above a big red button labeled "SELF DESTRUCT". "Use our OTHER names!"

Cinderheart's dazzling blue eyes widened with alarm. "PLEASE Captain Fishstick and Lieutenant Cheeseburger!"

Dovewing smirked. "Of the . . . ?"

Cinderheart was fuming. "OF THE _FISHCHEESESTICKBURGER!"_

Ivypool smiled blandly. "Now put it all together!"

Cinderheart glared at her but did as she was told. "JUST LEAVE, OKAY! WE'VE GOT A CAT TO RESCUE! PLEASE, CAPTAIN FISHSTICK AND LIEUTENANT CHEESEBURGER OF THE _FISHCHEESESTICKBURGER!"_

Ivypool brightened. "Okay! Ten!"

Dovewing chimed in with "Nine!"

"Eight!"

"Seve—"

Dovewing was cut off by a snarling Cinderheart. "Seven-six-five-four-three-two-one-BLAST OFF!"

Ivypool hit the "BLAST OFF!" button and the _FishCheesestickburger_ sped off into the night. . .


	6. Rosepetal's Revenge

**[A/N: My friend, who does not have either a warriors forums account or a FF.N account (I'll call her Willowshadow) has written most of this story from here on out. I edited and added stuff, but the base material is Willowshadow's.**

**Thanks for all the reviews, guys! XD Pony! CatNinja, not sure what you mean but I'll take it as a compliment. XD]**

PART SIX: ROSEPETAL'S REVENGE

Lionblaze was floating in zero gravity, twirling around in a ball singing and giggling something like, "La la la la la, we're going on a spaceship, we're going on a spaceship, la la la la la! We're going on a—"

"Oh, would you _shut up!"_ Cinderheart snarled. She "swam" over to her boyfriend and slapped on the head with the fishstick she had stolen from Ivypool. "I'm sick of it!"

Rosepetal tapped Ivypool on the shoulder, floating upside down. "Do you know when we get to Pluto? Dovewing? Ivypool?"

"It's Captain Fishstick—" began the owner of the name.

"—and Lieutenant Cheeseburger!" her sister finished.

Cinderheart sighed. "Can you drop that?"

"NO."

"Is anyone gonna listen?" Rosepetal said impatiently. "I _said,_ are we almost to Pluto?"

"Oh!" Ivypool said in surprise. "We're nearly there!"

And sure enough, the bluish ball of ice that was Pluto was staring right at them.

"We are landing in TEN!"

"Nine!"

"Eight!"

"Seven-six-five-four-three-two-one!" Rosepetal finished rapidly.

Dovewing shot her a withering look but didn't argue.

_THUD!_ went the spaceship, and they landed on Pluto.

Mousewhisker squinted out the window. "Hey, look! There's Onion and—"

"TOADY!"

Icecloud launched herself out of the _FishCheesestickburger_ and onto Onion. She viciously beat her with a handbag as Rosepetal leaped out ninja-style and karate-chopped the catnapper.

"I'm not gonna let some stupid she-cat abduct my brother and get away with it!"

Ivypool pointed at Onion and yelled, "ATTACK!"

The rest of the cats surged forward. Dovewing and her sister were particularly vicious, occasionally shouting out things like "For cheeseburgers!" or "In the name of fishsticks!"

Onion, covered with scratches, wailed, "Why are you hurting me?"

"Give us back Toadstep!" Icecloud snarled.

Onion frowned. "Who?"

The cats stopped fighting her and made a ring around the crazy silver she-cat.

Onion stared at them. "You mean Tickle Whiskers?"

Icecloud scowled. "It's Toadstep!"

"Tickle Whiskers!"

"Toadstep!"

"Tickle Whiskers!"

"Toadstep!"

"Tickle Whiskers!"

"Toadstep-Toadstep-Toadstep-Toadstep-Toadstep—"

"SHUT UP!" Cinderheart roared, clutching her aching head. "You're going to give me a migraine!"

Icecloud glared at the blue-eyed she-cat and grabbed Toadstep, who was lying unconscious on the ground.

Onion dug around in her purse, a small, dinky, thing, and (defying reason) pulled out an enormous bazooka.

The ThunderClan cats ran toward the _FishCheesestickburger_ and hurriedly fastened their seatbelts (safety first!). Ivypool led a quick countdown, at last recognizing the need for speed, but the spaceship refused to respond.

Apparently going to Pluto in only half an hour was too much strain on the poor _FishCheesestickburger._ It groaned and clanked as Onion opened fire on it. Luckily, she was a terrible shot, and all of her bullets ricocheted off Pluto's cold, icy surface.

The spaceship let out a guttering noise like a candle being put out, and all the lights died.

"I think it's broken," Foxleap said nervously.

"Duh," Thornclaw growled.

"Dovewing! Ivypool! Do something!" Blossomfall moaned.

"We're trying!" Dovewing cried.

"It's not working!" Ivypool sobbed.

Bumblestripe put his head in his hands. "We're stuck here. . ."

Hazeltail screwed up her face. "With ONION!"

_Dun dun dun dun!_


	7. ThunderClan's Rainbows

**[A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys!]**

PART SEVEN: THUNDERCLAN'S RAINBOWS

Onion advanced on the _FishCheesestickburger_ menacingly, screeching, "I've got you now Tickle Whiskers!"

All of a sudden, there was a grumbling noise like a bear waking up. The spaceship shook and Bumblestripe and his sister Blossomfall, sitting up at the control box with wrenches and hammers in their hands, let out triumphant yowls. The spaceship launched into the air.

Blossomfall floated over to the rest of the cats in zero gravity, smiling arrogantly. "I think I fixed the spaceship."

"No, I did!" Bumblestripe said crossly.

The two floated together and snarled at each other nose-to-nose. Cinderheart, whose frustration had been kept bottled up for the entire trip, exploded.

"SILENCE!"

The cats turned to the fuming gray she-cat, shocked and covering their ears. Her blue eyes were seas of anger.

She took a deep breath and continued in a more controlled tone, still laden with hostility. "I am tired of you guys arguing over every last little thing. You _both_ fixed the spaceship. The next cat who crosses me meets my claws!"

Icecloud sat in front of the now-conscious Toadstep, crooning softly, "Are you okay, Toady?"

"I-I think so."

Rosepetal licked her brothers ears. "I'm glad you're back, bro."

Dovewing floated over with a crazy grin. "Guess what? When you were abducted, Feathertail said that if we didn't rescue you, cheeseburgers and fishsticks would disappear!"

Toadstep gave her a look of . . . O.o

Foxleap looked out the window and his eyes widened. "Um, guys—"

Rosepetal glared at him. "What happened to girls?"

The ginger tom sighed. "And girls, LOOK BEHIND YOU!"

The ThunderClan cats did as they were told and looks of incredulity appeared on their faces.

Onion.

She connected to the _FishCheesestickburger_ and her face appeared on a screen in the window that looked surprisingly like the screen on the Massive from Invader Zim**[2]**.

"Run if you can, but I'll always find you!" she cackled, her green eyes wild.

Lionblaze smiled goofily. "I love that song!" Suddenly he burst into song. _"Run, run, as fast as a bat—you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Cat!"_

Cinderheart whacked him with the fishstick that still remained in her possession, saying, "Shut up!"

"Hit the laser beam!" Bumblestrip yelled frantically.

"Laser beam?"

"Just hit the button!"

Thornclaw shrugged and did as he was told. The bright red beam hit Onion's ship, and it immediately deflated and was sucked into Neptune's orbit.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!" she screeched. "YOU AND YOUR LITTLE . . . UMM . . . RAINBOWS!"

"Rainbows?" Ivypool muttered, but Onion was already out of sight.

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><p><strong>[2] Invader Zim reference! Ha!<strong>


	8. Fly to Mercury

PART EIGHT: FLY TO MERCURY

Icecloud quivered in her fur, eyes wide. "Onion will come for us! We've only bought ourselves some time!"

Foxleap frowned in concentration. "Onion said something about 'Tickle Whiskers'," he said thoughtfully. "Maybe she's looking for him, and took Toadstep because they looked exactly the same!"

"What?" Lionblaze asked, confused. "Toadstep looks like Toadstep, not some other cat!"

Cinderheart rolled her eyes and said, "Foxleap meant that Tickle Whiskers is probably black-and-white, and since Toadstep is black-and-white, she got them mixed up!"

"Ohhh . . ."

"We need to find Tickle Whiskers, or Onion will never stop chasing us!" Ivypool yowled. All around her, the ThunderClan cats were nodding their heads, although Cinderheart did mutter "duh" under her breath.

Blossomfall raised her paw and said, "But if _Onion_ hasn't found him yet, how can we?"

"Onion's a *BLEEP*!" Thornclaw growled.

Cinderheart slapped him. "No swearing! It's inappropriate!"**[3]**

"Well, she is," the older tom muttered, rubbing his arm and glaring at the gray she-cat.

"Soo . . ." Bumblestripe said. "If he's trying to run away from Onion, who lives on Pluto, wouldn't it make sense if he was hiding on the planet farthest away from Pluto?"

"That's Mercury!" Dovewing exclaimed, already punching in the coordinates in the _FishCheesestickburger_.

"Sounds reasonable." Ivypool stretched. "Lieutenant Cheeseburger, are you ready to fly to Mercury?"

"Yes ma'am!" Dovewing said, saluting.

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><p><em>One hour later. . .<em>

Ivypool looked out the window. Mercury loomed close. It was time to land.

She turned on the speaker and announced, "We are landing on Mercury in TEN!"

"NINE"

"EIGHT!"

"SEVEN!"

"SIX!"

"FIVE!"

"FOUR!"

"THREE!"

"TWO!"

"ONE!"

"ZERO!"

And with a thump, the _FishCheesestickburger_ landed on Mercury.

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><p><strong>[3] LTW reference! Bonus points to whoever's read LTW! (The link's on my profile; you should check it out, it's very funny.)<strong>


	9. We Got 'Em At Last!

PART NINE: WE GOT 'IM AT LAST!

Rosepetal peered out the window of the _FishCheesestickburger._ "Wow," she muttered, "this place is so desolate compared to Earth. At least on Pluto there were spaceships . . ."

Indeed, Mercury was a desolate place. Hot, red, and barren, it was the perfect landscape for a fugitive to hide in: the last place you would look.

Cinderheart kicked a rock in disgust. "I'm guessing anything that moves and isn't yellow, orange, or red is Tickle Whiskers."

Ivypool hung her head despairingly and cried out, "But Mercury is huge! We'll never find him!"

Dovewing punched her shoulder cheerfully. "Well, we'll just have to, for cheeseburgers and—"

"—fishsticks?" Lionblaze ventured.

Ivypool glared at him. "That's my line!"

The golden tom smiled goofily and said, "It is? Sorry."

"Hey!" The cats turned to Thornclaw. "I saw something black-and-white running that way!" He pointed left, and true enough, a speck of black was running away from them at full speed.

"Let's chase it!" Blossomfall cried, and ThunderClan did the said action, encircling the black-and-white cat and snarling insults.

"Who are you?" Icecloud asked. "Do you know Tickle Whiskers?"

At the mention of the hunted cat, the tom looked around wildly for an escape. There was none, and only a slim chance of escaping Rosepetal, who was pinning him down.

"Tell us what you know, punk!" the cream-colored she-cat snarled.

The black-and-white tom gulped and squeezed out, "I—I know him!"

Rosepetal loosened her grip. "Well, where is he?"

The tom sighed resignedly. "I—" he began, pausing for dramatic effect, "AM TICKLE WHISKERS!"


	10. I Didn't Expect THAT to Happen!

PART TEN: WELL, I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT TO HAPPEN . . .

Icecloud dropped to her knees and grasped Tickle Whisker's paws. "Please come back to Onion! She abducted my boyfriend because she thought he was you!"

Toadstep blushed and muttered something about girls.

Icecloud glared at him as his Mercurial**[4]** counterpart took his paws back and said in a firm voice, "NO."

Thornclaw growled. "Why not? We came all this way to find you, and you won't even come back with us?"

Tickle Whiskers looked at the Earthlings pleadingly. "You don't understand! Onion's a serial killer!"

Ivypool and Dovewing gasped in harmony as the ThunderClanners exchanged glances and began to have second thoughts about this cat.

Tickle Whiskers nodded solemnly. "It's true! She killed Tank Head and Lead Swallow and Rabid Chicken and so many more . . ."

"Is she trying to kill you?" Cinderheart asked bluntly.

"Even worse!" he moaned. "She fell in love with me!"

Dovewing frowned. "So why are you running away?"

He gave her a scathing look and replied, "Wouldn't you?"

_THUD!_

The cats jumped as Onion's spaceship landed on Mercury. Dashing about in a panic, they tried to hide on Mercury's scant cover.

"MWAHAHAHA!" Onion screeched, letting out a maniacal laugh. "I've got you now!" She readied her bazooka as Blossomfall prayed to StarClan for a miracle.

* * *

><p>Up in StarClan, Lionheart ignored her call, muttering, "Let these cats work out their problems on their own for once!"<p>

* * *

><p>Suddenly, Cinderheart shoved Tickle Whiskers in front of her, screeching, "Here he is, here he is!"<p>

Tickle Whiskers shot her a withering glance as Onion dropped her bazoooka and embraced him. "Tickle Whiskers, my love! Why did you run from me?"

Surprisingly, the black-and-white tom returned her hug and leaned in to kiss her. "You're psycho! And that's why I love you!"

"Awww, how cute!" Blossomfall swooned.

"How is that _cute?"_ her brother Bumblestripe asked, pulling a face. "I think I'm going to barf," he mumbled, then did the said action.

Onion and Tickle Whiskers pranced off into the sunset, and Cinderheart's slumber party members never heard of them again.

. . . What a relief.

* * *

><p><strong>[4] That's actually the correct term for inhabitant of Mercury or something like that. XD Oh, and there's only one more chapter left!<strong>


	11. Inconvenient Circles

**[A/N: Thank you, dear fans, for sticking with me throughout this fanfic. This is the last chapter, and I promise that it will make very little sense. Enjoy~!]**

PART ELEVEN: INCONVENIENT CIRCLES

Toadstep collapsed against a red rock, exhausted. "I wanna go home," he groaned. "This thin atmosphere is wreaking havoc on my lungs."

"How do you even know what lungs are?" Blossomfall shot back. "We're cats."

Cinderheart shot her a withering look. "How are we on Mercury? How are we in spacesuits? How do we know about fishsticks and cheeseburgers? Why is Lionblaze so stupid? All have the same answer, my dear: I have no friggin' clue."

"Hey!"

"I say let's ditch this place," Foxleap put in.

His suggestion was followed by a series of "Amen!"s, and the ThunderClan cats boarded the _FishCheesestickburger._

* * *

><p><em>Half an hour later ...<em>

Rosepetal leapt out of her seat as the spaceship broke through Earth's atmosphere. "Look! There's the lake!"

A ragged cheer rose from the cats as they neared their destination. The half hour had been fraught with tension between Cinderheart and Lionblaze, mainly the former. They would all be glad to return to their Clan.

"Please prepare for landing!" Ivypool called over the intercom.

"Do you really need to use the intercom?" Thornclaw asked. "We're right here."

Ivypool ignored him as Dovewing added, "Fasten your seatbelts!"

After inspection, Lionblaze called back, "What seatbelts?"

Dovewing was about to give him a snappy comeback when the _FishCheesestickburger_ crashed into the lake. Instead, she said through a mouthful of water, "I hwope ywou hwad a gweat twip on dwa _FwishChweesestwickbuwgew!"_

"Fat chance of that," a dripping wet Thornclaw muttered as he swam toward shore.

* * *

><p>Stretched out on the sand, Ivypool said casually, "Hey, Dovewing, guess what?"<p>

"What?"

The fishstick shop owner mysteriously materialized next to Ivypool with a slice of cake in his paw. He smiled cheerily as he fed Dovewing's sister the cake. "We're going to be mates!"

For a moment, the gray she-cat stared at him. Blinking hard, she said in disbelief, _"Mates? _That doesn't make any sense at all!"

"Tsk, tsk, sister, you should have realized by now that this fanfiction doesn't make any sense at all," Ivypool said nonchalantly.

The fishstick tom looked at his fiancé. "How do you know that?"

"Just a simple breaking of the fourth wall does it, dear," she replied sweetly. "Now, Dovewing—"

But Dovewing had fainted dead away.

* * *

><p>When the cats arrived at camp, Jayfeather was furious. "Where have you been? I thought you went to a slumber party! Firestar said you must have gone to Pluto or someplace!"<p>

"Actually, we did," Icecloud yawned.

"_What?"_ he said incredulously. _"How?"_

Ivypool flashed him a cheery smile. "And I'm getting married!"

Jayfeather closed his eyes, sighed, and walked away to tell Firestar.

* * *

><p>On the warriors den that night, there was a sign:<p>

**Cinderheart's SECOND slumber party!**

**She-cats only!**

**Tonight at the ShadowClan border!**

That night, the ThunderClan she-cats were sitting in a circle.

"So, what are we going to do now?" Rosepetal asked.

Cinderheart replied with a smile. "I hear that ShadowClan has delicious waffles, Cheez-Its, and hot toms ..."

_**THE END?**_


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